"before darkness emerged you spoke to me
love
of love
of life
then
of death
by death you walked
by death enlightened..."
-confusedain '99
+ Dissect +
Lorelai: It was a mistake.
Emily: A mistake?! You call that a mistake!?
Lorelai: Well, I tried calling it "Al", but it would only answer to "mistake".
+ Me +
Longing for an eternal union
+ Desires +
+ firstly to find myself
+ 10 days trip to Europe, esp Spain
+ Santorini, Greece
+ The Chocolate Buffet at Fullerton Hotel
+ experience snow
+ Work Overseas
+ A very healthy body...and mind
+ a tv set in my bedroom
+ a lomo
+ donate blood at least once in a lifetime
+ be a volunteer
+ Things I've been said i look like +
chinese(NO.1)
japanese
taiwanese(!! lol)
phillippino
thai
myanmar
cambodian
vietnamese
indonesian(specifically, indo maid!)
malaysian
nepalese
China Chinese (NO!!!...)
There is no coincidence in Islam.
There are too much instances in my life that truly testify in the above statement.
Quite a few things have been happening in my life.
i was brought up independantly.
i learn things the hard way, i wasnt really guided as a child.
my parents dont call on me whenever im still not home even after 10pm,
during my secondary school days.
they dont lecture me when i dont clean my room/house.
they dont nag at me when i dont do my prayers.
they dont scold me when i dont study.
i learn by making mistakes.
i learn from other people.
at such a vulnerable age when i can be so easily
influenced to do the wrong things, why didnt i?
why wasnt i a rebel?
last year, i experienced closeness.
yes. im actually afraid of that.
i became close to my 4life family.
i learn how to bond.
this year, i learn to be strong.
if ive never known how strong i can be,
this year i will find out.
this is also the year i will learn how to express love to my family.
Allah has let me practice,expressing love to my 4life family first
and now i can show to my parents and my siblings.
my family has gone through alot.
some things i would never say.
but from these things i learn.
i learn how unappreciative ive been towards my parent my WHOLE life.
i learn how blind i was towards my parents needs
i learn how proud they were of me.
i also learn how never to give up.
in these events, i learn how strong my brother was and how much burden he carried when it should have been me.
most importantly, i learn to change myself.
This year will be a year of change.
a year i will start being a better person.
spending more time caring for my parents.
spending more time, overcoming my fears.
spending more time learning about Islam.
Spending more time in 4life, because 4life has taught me all these.
it has taught me positivity, it has taught me patience.
Many things happened that was due to 4life.
it is like a catalyst that causes good chain of events.
i hope everyone will benefit from 4life.
its not about the business, its not about the product, its not about the company.
(although everything about it is amazing beyond comparison)
its about how you can use this to change your life.
As the old saying goes:
What goes up, must come down.
Barely a week ago i had one of the best time of my life
and now, i sense depression creeping up on me,
juz waiting to crash my life down again.
i can feel it coming and i have no barriers prepared.
i dun think ive felt this down in such a long time.
sigh.
a lot of things haf been gg thru my mind lately.
but nothing has been jotted down.
i miss those days.
days tt i would doodle, write on my diary.
i still keep my past diaries and when i read back,
i laughed to myself, and sometimes im amazed by how much depth
my thoughts have back then.
now i juz dun think anymore.
i have succumb to the daily busy life of a human.
ive become something ive always wanted to be back then.
a robot.
and then it made me realise again.
what was my dream in life?
at one time it was a professor. haha
funny but true...yeah.
i love sharing knowledge, but i realised i simply do not have the
attention span to study full time neither do i have the patience to teach.
then it brought to another chain of thoughts.
why do i want to study?
why do i wanna get a degree??
a paper qualification?
ive oways loved knowledge.
but i realised getting education is super expensive.
my ultimate goal was psychology.
but many has said "whats the point of pursing a degree that doesnt put food on ur table in the future?"
yes, i dun want to be a psychologist. i juz love to read and understand how or why people do the things they do.
but since a degree is soooo expensive, u'd hafta make sure its gonna give u back ur money.
is education now a mere investment?
what happen to the "education for knowledge"?
i think greed has corrupted the idea of learning for self improvement.
now, its juz learning how to be rich and flaunt ur money to everyone :P
ok, on the lighter side, i had fun on Halloween!
i know i dun usually review events anymore...
but oh well.... once in a while, why not...
i love de fact tt my besties didnt give up on getting my black wings.
we almost went the entire bugis village but there ws none
i was truly disappointed and i really lost hope,
but their energy really lifted me.
also muz thank vincy for dropping by bugis, for literally stopping the car by the roadside juz to let me c if that last glimpse of hope is still available.
i also love the fact tt vincy was so accomodating to everyone.
HE was the one suggesting to get his company van to drive us all there and back.
HE wanted to join and dress up.
and apparently, HE managed to entertain himself by scaring strangers with his amateur ghost look.
there were ppl actually wanting to take photos WITH him!! hahaha
he is,like, one of DE BEST and most craziest person i know!
and tt is why HES MY BEST FRIEND!
i juz cant imagine my life without him
my life is so complete!!
Hmm....
I realised ive always been unreceptive
towards my career prospect.
No matter how hard or easy it has been.
If i had not been werking in Eng Wah,
i would always be that shy awkward kid whos totally afraid of people
If i have nt been werking in Seagate factory,
i would not have pursued my Nitec in Electronics.
If i had not pursued my Nitec, i wouldnt haf been able to apply for Diploma in SIM.
If i had not choosen Green Book as my first company under a new job scope called admin cum recep,
i noe, i wouldnt be given an opportunity to be a customer service exec.
no matter how difficult the first few months in a new line was, i persevered.
altho it was shortlived (almost 2 yrs), it was still sufficient.
i quit without looking for a job first.
i tried a few things.
admin in an auto insurance company, personal coordinator for a property agent...
and finally, patient services clerk in sgh.
if i had not took up the property agent's offer to be his so called personal asst,
i wouldnt have the experience of being one.
altho i didnt like it and therefore shortlived too, i still think i gained something.
if i had not any of the experience about, i wouldnt have gotten the job at SGH.
i initially applied for data clerk, but the person persuaded me to go psc coz of my exp in frontline.
and i relented.
there seems to be a pattern in recent jobs i was offered.
i keep kena-ing customer service. the one i hated the most.lol....
why cant i juz get a damn behind-the-frontline kind of job??
3 places that i werked in has offered me great prospects.
Seagate had appointed me to be the online job trainer (which i readily accepted)
Green Book offered me to be Customer Service Exec (which i rejected after doing it almost a yr)
SGH given me the job as Research Coordinator (thanks to my bosses' recommendation)
was there any reason to this?
i think yes.
Every time God paves me the way, i sidetracked or stopped
im so stubborn, but hahaha
i think God is super patient to keep giving me the chances.
Yes. i think ive known wat my calling is..
If i had not worked in SGH, i wouldnt understand health.
If i had not werked in SGH, i wouldnt have been easily convinced to join 4life .
If i had not worked in SGH, i wouldnt know or even care about other ppl's health and mine.
After hearing what these 4life ppl strive for, believe in, worked for,
i know, i haf to make the difference too.
because of them, i believe in a goal.
i wanna help others too....
i wanna think of the big picture.
go overseas to help the needy.
there IS a way to stop the that grand gap btwn the rich and the poor.
Is this all coincidence?
Nope, there is no coincidence in Islam.
:)
yesterday my intuition went on an overdrive.
as we were driving along the roads of ang mo kio, a vision of my past ran across my head.
i remember there's this house i used to always visit when i was young but somehow stopped ever since i went sec sch. of all the years went by, it didnt occur to me except yesterday.the view from the house was very vivid. but i had no idea where this place is and how this person is related to us. i mentioned this to my cousins and sister. i simply couldnt describe the view.
and as i was reminiscing about it, i was also looking out the window. i saw a house with very bright festive lights (lampu kelap-kelip, as i used to call it, hahaha).it really stood out and i said to myself " wah, so bright sia... the whole of his corridor is colourfully lighted."
this is the funny part. lo and behold!! when i reach the house, i realised it was the EXACT same house i noticed as we were driving by!!! amazing, lol...
then as we were leaving the house, heading for another juz a block away, my bro suddenly say " we long time nvr to that brother house, the one with the star wars". i had no idea who he was refering to. i was like, which brother seh. then my mom say...ooohh.... that "abg taufik house". that name click in my brain sia. suddenly i was like " ehhh!!! yeah that house!! i was juz thinking about it, he stay very far right?? we long time nvr go seh!!" imagine my surprise when my mom say, the house is here only lor. one floor above the next hse we gg to. apparently my dad and uncle has been trying to call them to no avail, so decided to go ahead and knock on the door, try our luck.
i cant believe it!! it REALLY was the house i was thinking of. funny seh.i went over to the corridor and looked out.the exact same view i had in my mind when i was in the van earlier. im not close to the family at all... and even the auntie say she remember my name, but the last time we visited her was almost 20 yrs ago!!
then she scold my uncle and dad for losing contact. lol... she said that night, earlier, she saw 2 butterflies in her bedroom. she was wondering why. coz in the olden days, they say, when a butterfly flies into ur home, it means someone is coming to your house. mcm ader sign pulak. she was surprised to see my dad and uncle and everybody else... heheh!!
cant believe how fated we are to be there and how mindboggling it is for me to have almost seen the future. lol!!!
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird. Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
