"before darkness emerged you spoke to me
love
of love
of life
then
of death
by death you walked
by death enlightened..."
-confusedain '99
+ Dissect +
Lorelai: It was a mistake.
Emily: A mistake?! You call that a mistake!?
Lorelai: Well, I tried calling it "Al", but it would only answer to "mistake".
+ Me +
Longing for an eternal union
+ Desires +
+ firstly to find myself
+ 10 days trip to Europe, esp Spain
+ Santorini, Greece
+ The Chocolate Buffet at Fullerton Hotel
+ experience snow
+ Work Overseas
+ A very healthy body...and mind
+ a tv set in my bedroom
+ a lomo
+ donate blood at least once in a lifetime
+ be a volunteer
+ Things I've been said i look like +
chinese(NO.1)
japanese
taiwanese(!! lol)
phillippino
thai
myanmar
cambodian
vietnamese
indonesian(specifically, indo maid!)
malaysian
nepalese
China Chinese (NO!!!...)
today i heard that condescending mutters again(!!) the last time i encountered this was when i had that reggae style mop hair (i like it, dun ask me why) now, it abt my dyed hair.... i know, its controversial(shud it be?) coz its white streaks but who cares except me?!! i wanna look this way what the hell is matter with those pea-brains?? if i dun like this colour, i may have jolly well changed it long ago why criticised me for my taste, my sytle? i dun gif a rat's ass if i looked horrible or old (which was my main intention,btw...to look wise and old) why look at me like i've been cursed? and why da freaking hell am i so outraged over this. so ironic, not caring what others think abt me yet so angry when they look down on me. i dunno abt u, but sometimes having this bi-racial face is a bit of a curse cos the malays will be talking bad abt me, assuming that i'm some cina bukit "chinese village"girl or it doesnt help either when the chinese say some things abt you thinking u wouldnt know just what they were talking abt, hello, i may be malay but i do know a few words unfortunately i know more bad chinese words than the good ones and when a conversation abt me contains a lot of words that are familiar to me, i shud be worried... or i shudnt be rite? coz who cares? i shudnt gif a"! toot!" abt what others say, rite?? this is confusing. why am i always contradicting my own sweet words??
sometimes i think i'm schizophrenic or maybe i'm just bloody electic a girl confused with her identity cant stand on the ground the only thing ppl can't associate me w/ is feminine but they dont understand i do like wearing skirts i've a few in my wardrobe and they have seen the light of day but to them, i'm a hippie, a goth, hip hopper skater(??!!) a rock chick, nerd(yeah.. *frowns) cowgirl (at one point of time, yes.. :P ) why imprison yourself w/ one idea? there are many ways to feel gud rite? i was stamped 'weird' by friends because of my unconventional taste they've even called me 'cute' a description, i'm sure, of my pitiful looks coz there's always that tone of voice that goes along with those words. 'you're cute' it just doesnt sound complimentary. i dun nid sympathies i was born with this face (cursed) i'm used to it. like all girls(oh yes i am, in case u havent noticed :P ) i haf feelings too (i believe my blog contents supports this) and being introduced as weird (right in your face) kinda stings it stands side by side with " hi! this is ain, she's a bit slow (retarded) sometimes, so please dun mind her..." what the??....
