Photography:

its personal to me,a way of expressing myself sometimes
of how i view the world or things around me...
its how i share my thoughts.

yesterday i think i was a bit mad...sad and mad...smad you could say
i'm sure i've said before, a lot of my friends are aware of my interest
in photography.
alot have encouraged me...some even trusted my skills by appointing me
with the duty of being their photographer for their supposedly big events
(eg, weddings,ROMs,engagements)
imagine how that would feel like.
you, as a photographer, being thrust upon a big responsibilty (so i thought)
of portraying their love for each other.
in that one event, i'm supposed to compiled pictures that would one day
when they look back at the photgraphs and think "wow! wasnt it a beautiful event?"
"dont we look soo in love, its almost sickening?"
i know my skills arent that great... super di duper amateur
but it was that thought that makes me feel important somehow...

imagine..(again) if u were to found out every single couple you've taken picture of
have either cheated on their spouses before or totally broken up.
of the 3 i've taken of 2 broken up their engagement.
maybe its juz me...
a mere coincidence that only makes sense to me...
so typical of human beings
to make up these coincidences and then rationalising it

the last blow wasnt surprising but it was finalising that hurts
i'm sure rina think i'm smad to cry over people's lovelife
coz its not like i was the one that caused it
but i felt involved somehow, u know?
when its in the drama tv, its ok, normal perhaps,
but when its so close to ur circle, u just feel... involved
even though u're totally not...its like seeing statistic at werk...
or statistic in reality.

since when engagement arent important?
since when engagement are nothing but a compromised decision to stick 2gether
til that holy matrimony? and then to break it up?
if they were that important why carry it on at all in the first place?
why do people always change their minds?
always falling in love so easily and then succumbing to that fatal attraction?
is it right?
and why is it so typical of humans to look down on people who makes
other decisions?
is it wrong to love someone else? is it wrong to change ur mind?
its love we're taking about...
and marriage... its a big thing, and yet its not too
coz marriage is just a certificate that binds you to another person.
if u love someone else when u're oredy in a marriage,
would you break the marriage or stick?
would you choose love or duty?
if u choose duty, u're sacrificing love over duty.
so whats a marriage without love?
and where's the effort of making it work?
if u choose love, how would u know its not infatuation?

infidelity
why does it sound so wrong, yet when u're in that position
it seems normal?
coz after all love conquers all, right?

this juz me, rationalising others thoughts and i know i could be wrong
but i cant help it.
infidelity is not common...
most of my friends' marriages last
but currently a lot of my friends (those of younger generation)
doesnt. and its scary.
our freedom of taboo has allowed us to act on our fickleness...
its the new century! we dun nid to ans to anyone.

so here i am...in my most controversial topic yet...
coz a lot of people have thoughts on this and theirs might be different
and maybe its wrong of me to write this coz after all
i've never been infidel
i've never been in a bind
so who am i to write all this?
what gives me the right to think i could rationalise all these
when i've never been in a marriage...

and yet again, i have to explain myself.....
i cant help it...