"before darkness emerged you spoke to me
love
of love
of life
then
of death
by death you walked
by death enlightened..."
-confusedain '99
+ Dissect +
Lorelai: It was a mistake.
Emily: A mistake?! You call that a mistake!?
Lorelai: Well, I tried calling it "Al", but it would only answer to "mistake".
+ Me +
Longing for an eternal union
+ Desires +
+ firstly to find myself
+ 10 days trip to Europe, esp Spain
+ Santorini, Greece
+ The Chocolate Buffet at Fullerton Hotel
+ experience snow
+ Work Overseas
+ A very healthy body...and mind
+ a tv set in my bedroom
+ a lomo
+ donate blood at least once in a lifetime
+ be a volunteer
+ Things I've been said i look like +
chinese(NO.1)
japanese
taiwanese(!! lol)
phillippino
thai
myanmar
cambodian
vietnamese
indonesian(specifically, indo maid!)
malaysian
nepalese
China Chinese (NO!!!...)
sigh. the chocolate thing has to be pushed back.
maybe i'll juz go on my birthday or something.
coz it'll be next yr, when i am financially stable.
rite now, im squeezed dry.
thank God, my work starts on a fasting month.
so i dun nid to bring any money for lunch or dinner.
worry about transport money, tts all.
cant believe i was unemployed for a gud one mth plus.
and having totally no income for this month.
i was poked on the right arm...
couldnt draw the blood, then the uncle keep playing around with the needle's directions...
summore he was like "wah... ur veins very deep,eh(*poke in harder)... very hard to draw blood"
continues to move the needle here and there IN MY VEIN.
i held on strongly.
nvm... try the other hand.
again... poke the thing....
ALSO cannot draw!!
move here move there...
OMG!
then he took out.
then he keep staring, rubbing my top palm there...
you know juz below the knuckles there..
i ask him pain or not...
he said ok ok la... same same...
i said ok...
then a lady came by to help...
saw my two dots... and empty container...
then she poked the needle at the SAME spot as juz now, right arm...
STILL cannot!.. poke in DEEPER... prodded here and there.
i tell you. i CAN FEEL EVERY SINGLE SENSATION.
it was awful!..
i keep thinking to myself
"remember the face threading pain... that was more painful... remember face threading pain!"
i almost cried, when they finally said
"yay!! finally managed to draw blood.. good..."
i really wanted to cry sia...
it was sooooo painful.
my arm still feel the soreness... more than 6 hrs later!
what could have been only 2 jabs (one for blood, one for vaccination)
i had to endure 4 (3 painful ones) instead...
For Chocolate Buffet,
Friday and Saturday - 8pm to 11pm
$38++ per pax
North CourtyardThe Fullerton Singapore
1 Fullerton Square Singapore
Singapore 049178
Tel: 6877 8129
pictures and information courtesy of http://www.sgdessert.com/2009/07/fullerton-chocolate-buffet.html
i didnt know it was gg be here..lol... i keep thinking "oh fullerton... ok"
slipped my mind tt it was THIS fullerton... the very hotel i think BSB stayed when they came here for concerts. im gg to imagine walking at the very steps they walked in. hahaha.... im a BSB freak, yeah :P
go there muz haf dresscode hor?? hhmmm...
apparently, there will be sooo much sweetness
tt you will easily be quesy/giddy/sick of the taste quickly.
and it was mentioned tt you might not be able to try all.
therefore the price is actually quite steep
even for a chocolate lover.
However, most also said that the ambience was great
and the choccies are very exquisite.
you may not be able to try all
but the taste and the whole ambience of the place
is definitely worth it.
so, i am planning to go to this place 2x!
first will be this year before puasa, next trip
will prolly be on my beeday or sth.
i cant make 2 trips in a year rite? so sinful!
oh! must mention this!.. some choccies contains liquor.
and i think if u wanna get a free flow of dessert wine, it'll cost add. $4++
if i have a friend who owns this kind of house, i wouldnt mind hanging out there more often.it'll be too sickeningly sweet to have this as my own house,though...:P
oh! a vacation house maybe... day dreaming again.
i tell you, if im rich, i'd make a house like this and create a club called alice in wonderland.
imagine. a place to get away from stress, the real world. anyone can join! except for bootlickers and fakers maybe...hey! my club, my rules!
then we'd recreate these kinds of dresses for our ownselves in the sewing room.for what? for camwhore! of course! love those ruffles! and the pastel colours...like i said, once in a while.
if this was in red and black, i would seriously consider buying. the colours actually remind me of back to the future 2 sia.
see!! i not only love dark colours, i love bright colours too... esp pastel! but not too much tho.
Finally found a job.
Sth very unexpected.... wait for it...
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Patient Service Clerk!
at SGH!
Haaha... a surprise indeed...
God works in mysterious ways i guess.
I'll just have to see whats in store for me.
i have enough of giving up.
maybe, in fact, i truly do not know what i want and what is best for me.
insya-Allah i will see...
i had to try this! the only place tt sells this halal version. very soft... quite nice..
somehow reminds me of when i helped my mom to do bergedil, then i'd slipped a few potatoes in my mouth instead of smashing it with batu lesong hahah...
juz wanted to post these photos.. dun intend to write anthing actually..
i really have no idea what happen to the navy photos... keep forgetting to ask my bro fer it
went for an interview today.
nt for any company,
juz had a small talk with one of the recruitment consultant from recruit express.
she is sooo sweet, and looked very sincere.
while i was waiting for my time,
i noticed that they named their meeting rooms from some of the exotic islands.
there was carribean, seychilles and guess what?
SANTORINI! yesh! the very one i longed to go.
suddenly for no reason, i wished i could talk to the consultant in the santorini rm,
sth like a motivation for me lol... like a small sign from God that if i managed to go inside that room means, i MAY get to visit tt plc someday.
funny rite.it was juz one of those day dreaming thougts i had and didnt really brood on it much afterwards, until i realised much later (6 hrs later...) that haha yeah, i did went in! i was so worried about the outcome of the interview tt it left my mind tt i went to tt room!so fun!
Ahhh.....finding bliss in little things.
i knew santorini from the alexis bledel's ( Gilmore Girls) movie, sisterhood traveling pants years back.
it was nvr my intention to live the dream coz i oways tot it was impossible.
but recently, when i heard one of my friend gg to paris end of this yr, i was insanely jealous.
if she can go, why cant i right??
im sick of hearing ppl bragging about their luck.
or about their successful-ness
or wealth.
everyone deserves to feel proud.
but no one deserves to hear your constant bragging
its such a ear sore.
seriously bragging is already darn irritating.
and then crticizing others and call them losers?
what the hell do you think you are?
i believe in God.
to me, your hard work is not the only one contributing to your success.
God made it happen.
im also speaking of the same God who will take back everything that He has given you.
we are mere humans.
God can do anything to destroy us.
why cant u juz be grateful and move on.
you dun wanna help the unfortunate, fine.
but name calling and backstabbing is a little too much.
once again, i am thankful tt i dun haf such friends
(my God, i really DO have the best selection of friends)
but this is happening to some of my close friends and yeah, i do have a few unfortunate distant relative like dat. worst part of all these?
friends arent usually the ones creating problems.
its family.no matter how far or distant they are, there's a few like these.
arent family supposed to support each other?
whatever the hell happened to filial piety?
amg parents, siblings,cousins, uncles and aunties?
The most common connotation is that it is a form of child prostitution whereby participating girls sell their bodies in exchange for designer goods or money. However, to label enjo-kōsai by the most basic definition of prostitution whereby one attains money through the exchange of sexual acts,[1] excludes an array of other activities.
i cant believe, the level girls will stoop to juz to eat at expensive restaurants or to own designer goods.
what seems like a far-fetched fact is actually right closer than you'd thought.
i know of a girl (yes, its true)
really quite pretty,
being nice and jovial to those in front of her.
behind is all different.
bad mouthing, back stabbing, name calling.
acting cute is her forte.
when i found out what she did, i was all the more disappointed.
wats the worst part?
when every one thinks she's adorable,cute and angelic.
oh boy. you have NO idea.
LUST can be a really vile thing.
it makes people lose their senses.
it makes even the most respectable men/women turn
into cheating bastards.
i can count with two hands the no of girls and boys cheating and being cheated.
WITHIN my degree of friends.
How sad is that?
and the funny part is, you will NEVER think that they're like dat.
what would you do if some of ur close friends are cheating on their partners?
what would you do if you were, unwillingly, the ONLY one who has all the access to the dirty secret things she did?
and everyone thought she's such a darling.
can we judge them by their lust?
or simply take them at face value?
And some advices =
Girls! pls do not slp with ur bf expecting them to be with you til death do you part.
once they got it, they're gone. believe me, i have seem MANY cases like this.
they may say things like, "im your bf what, im entitled to it" or "dun worry i will not run away"
or worst!!! " you muz prove your love to me".
DO NOT DO IT! Once you've lost it, you'll lose it forever.FOREVER! you cant get it back. and of course, dun forget the diseases that comes with it. if they really love you, they will wait til the wedding day. they wont force it upon you.
im sick of hearing people cheating on each other.
really, im not kidding.
i can probably create a drama with all the things tt have been going AROUND me, NOT to me.
but wait! channel 8 has already done dat.
well, nvm then.
Seriously girls, have some self respect, or dignity or something equivalent to that!
"We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness."
— Hunter S. Thompson (The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967)
when im not a hoarder... and i have to live in a hoarder's world
Compulsive hoarding (or pathological hoarding or disposophobia[1]) is the excessive acquisition of possessions (and failure to use or discard them), even if the items are worthless, hazardous, or unsanitary. Compulsive hoarding impairs mobility and interferes with basic activities, including cooking, cleaning, showering, and sleeping. A person who engages in compulsive hoarding is commonly said to be a "pack rat," in reference to that animal's characteristic hoarding.
It is not clear whether compulsive hoarding is an isolated disorder, or rather a symptom of another condition, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder.[2]
The hoarder may mistakenly believe that the hoarded items are very valuable, or the hoarder may know that the accumulated items are useless, or may attach a strong personal value to items which they recognize would have little or no value to others. A hoarder of the first kind may show off a cutlery set claiming it to be made of silver and mother-of-pearl, disregarding the fact that the packaging clearly states the cutlery is made of steel and plastic. A hoarder of the second type may have a refrigerator filled with uneaten food items months past their expiration dates, but in some cases would vehemently resist any attempts from relatives to dispose of the unusable food. In other cases the hoarder will recognize the need to clean the refrigerator, but due (in part) to feelings that doing so would be an exercise in futility, and overwhelmed by the similar condition of the rest of their living space, fails to do so.
When your "friend", who assumed u dunno anything, smiled at you, and you, pretend u really dunno anything (or really dun care), smiled back.
When you KNOW people are talking bad about you, but u try to act blur and be nice to them.
Half of the times, people do not realise what they've done wrong. You probably have to videotape them at one point and then show it them about one month later. some will probably go " ya meh?? i got like dat meh?" (despite the obvious!) and there will definitely some who would go "i still think i'm right" maybe a minor " you dont understand......" here and there. but ultimately, as a friend, it is your DUTY to tell your friends off.
u dun haf to be right. but not telling off is definitely wrong.
if u've told off ur friend and if that friend doesnt seem to handle it well, maybe u're not supposed to be friends after all.
friends care for each other. friends dun let u ruin your life. whatever they say, they meant well.
friends will not allow you to go about doing ur wrong ways.
if i have done something wrong, pls tell it to my face. i trust you enough to hear it from you and not from other people's mouth.
if i have done something wrong, pls tell it to my face. coz i treasure our friendship too much to have u leaving me for reasons i do not know. if u treasure our friendship, u will let me know what i have done wrong. (unless i keep making the same mistakes-despite your advices, and then complain to you... by all means, you can walk away...)
thankfully, all these do not apply to me.
but i live by this principle.
i tell my friends off coz i care for them. i dun expect them to follow my advice,
but at least they listened and know that i've tried.
and i expect them to do the same for me.
of course, i do have broken friendships.
on my part.
coz i felt that i told them off too many a times and none were listened.
listening and following is 2 different things.
and then there's that " we juz cant click coz we have too much of opposing values"
friends have many levels.
and being an anti-social, im glad i dun have many levels to handle.
i juz have best friends, friends, and 'i dun really like ur character, but if u dun hurt my feelings,im ok with anything' friends.
im a low self-esteemed, timid girl. Sometimes, i juz feel like people do not like me. a slightest hint of dislike(or ignorance) from ur body language towards me sparks off a major 'they FREAKING hate me ' fireworks in my brain and my heart.
so yeah. i may avoid you on certain days.
but tts juz coz i think u hate me.
i think some thing is wrong with me.
oh and another thing.
i may LOOK like chinese.
and when i tell you im malay,
doesnt mean i do NOT know chinese.
dun bad-mouth me anywhere within my hearing radius!
dumbass!
-and if you'll excuse me, im gg to watch Hannah Montana on okto now.
Dear Toilet Singer, today as i was ahem-ing, i heard your voice again. it was AWE.SOME. i think its time i stop hearing u in the toilet and start seeing you on tv. hope u went for the auditions for the OMG thing on channel 5. Wishing you all the best, Your neighbourhood fan.
Yup, i was lucky today. she was singing 'In the Middle of the Night' and the funny part was, she would stop singing, then talk to a little girl (could be niece,daughter,sister....) then resume singing. then u can hear the water splashes.... she have to stay somewhere near my level. i stay in a point block, so the design is in such a way that the toilets faces each other.. (sth like dat)
she have that very nice jazzy kind of voice. i cant tell much about the singer except that its a female. anyway, this was what she was singing:
In the middle of the night I go walking in my sleep From the mountains of faith To the river so deep I must be looking for something Something sacred I lost But the river is wide And its too hard to cross
1-When u tried to get off the escalator and then the person in front slowed down. Its like as if the person in front is expecting some kind of grand entrance. Wth people?! Yes, a few times i was tempted to push them forward. :P evil kid i am.
2-When exiting the mrt feels like a baby trying to push itself out of the mother’s womb (thats as creative as i can get... no wonder im not a writer :P). There was ever once (Thank God only once!) i couldn’t get off the intended station and had to literally push myself towards the door, wait for the next station, alight, take the train BACK to my intended station :P. I always think of ways to curb this situation. But was too chicken to try it out a) wear spiked bracelets or spiked shoulder pads... so no one will dare to push me :P b) bring the big umbrella, then when its time to alight, swing the umbrella, hit their legs so i can have room to get the hell out.
oh yes! there will be blood!
rihanna looks gud in it...
3-When your back is facing the other person’s bag, and then it keeps hitting/tickling/pushing/irritate your back. Or when it hits your bag too. Or when their sleeve is tickling your arm or when their skirt is tickling your thighs/calf/knees...worst is you dun have room space to scratch the itch. :P oh the torture.
4-When you try to be nice and get to the middle of the cabin, then the train jerked and u have nothing to hold on to and u almost fell. Dun give me that dirty looks! Im wearing short heels (as per my co’s requirement-last time la) and i cant balance with these. So dun expect me to move away from this pole!
5-Pole huggers (nuff said)
6-When the group of people is talking louder than my music. (and you know how loud i listen to my music right? Even my ex-colleagues were afraid of the kind of volume i listen in)
Rationalisations:
One thing about mrts is that u cant exactly be angry at the commuters.
1-Have u ever timed when the doors are opened or closed? Ever one time i tried, and it was less than 5 secs. Imagine tt. Everyone wants to go home on time, everyone is tired from working, i understand the rushing the pushing. And u cant deny, town is a major work area. Its the most populated place from 8am to 6pm.EVERYONE wants to go there, and get away from there almost at the same time. So yeah, i do curse and swear sometimes, but face it, this problem can never be solved, until you decide to stay in a less crowded place, like maybe (insert deserted area here).
2-Giving seats to those who needs it more than you. Honestly. I HATE those stompers. They make me feel soooo scared to take a seat in the mrt. Esp when i got a space at the reserved seat. I had to keep an eye for the ENTIRE journey home, in case there’ll be someone who really need that (reserved or not)seat. God forbid if i accidentally fall asleep (after a hard day at work) and then a stomper takes a photo of me for being inconsiderate. Long long ago, i also mentioned about giving seats to preggers oni to realise or scared that they are actually not?? Haha... i shall not repeat myself :P
unemployment is amazing. the last time i wrote an essay was for an assignment. no wonder i prefer to write short paras and insert more pictures.
man this entry is boring! too wordy! and too much thinking! gosh!
im on a quest for the perfect job for ME. one tt does not incld TELEMARKETING. or anything tt has to do with data CALLING.
u know... this is dangerously close to being in an infinite loop...
u cant get a job when u're depressed... (apparently, u'll exude a certain bad/negative vibes to the universe, and universe do NOT like to employ depressed persons) and yet, you're depressed coz you cant find a job...
oh yes! there will be blood!
rihanna looks gud in it...