"before darkness emerged
you spoke to me
love
of love
of life
then
of death
by death you walked
by death enlightened..."
-confusedain '99

+ Dissect +

Lorelai: It was a mistake. Emily: A mistake?! You call that a mistake!? Lorelai: Well, I tried calling it "Al", but it would only answer to "mistake".

+ Me +

Longing for an eternal union

+ Desires +

+ firstly to find myself
+ 10 days trip to Europe, esp Spain
+ Santorini, Greece
+ The Chocolate Buffet at Fullerton Hotel
+ experience snow
+ Work Overseas
+ A very healthy body...and mind
+ a tv set in my bedroom
+ a lomo
+ donate blood at least once in a lifetime
+ be a volunteer

+ Things I've been said i look like +

chinese(NO.1)
japanese
taiwanese(!! lol)
phillippino
thai
myanmar
cambodian
vietnamese
indonesian(specifically, indo maid!)
malaysian
nepalese
China Chinese (NO!!!...)

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Rina + Shaz + Audrey + kak pi + affordable gadgets + Wei Jun + Yilin + faz victoria +

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+ Previous Posts +

its sad....so sad
the EL-SHEIKH experience
my prized posession
when the flames were reignited
my day of gloom
rules of engagement
the importance of my existence
hello vagina.......?!
new jap on da block
my baby you

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Saturday, February 25, 2006
Hello Miss U.G.L.Y

have i told u of the time i went out w/ Faz? supposed to buy a La Senza apparel(i shall not be specific... hahah!!) and a picnic basket but we didnt get the latter coz by the time we reached, it was closed. so.. what made us late? Faz suggested stopping by @ the citylink empty space area(i dunno exactly what its called) and we chanced upon some breakdancers... she was telling me abt how all dance enthusiast would gather here to practice their stuff...i was slightly impressed (forgive me, but i'm not much of a "hangout" person) i asked if it was possible for me to take pix of the stuff they do ( the breakdancers). and Faz said why not... i was too bloody shy to ask them so i made Faz do it for me (bless her soul). she managed to teach me a few things abt aperture and shutter speed and i did get a lot of shots( very less good ones, unfortunately)... u haf no idea how shaky i was inside... just because i hold a cam, the guys were staring @ me like i'm some kinda alien( not to mention i felt like one!!!). i've never had so much of guys' attention focused on me..just bcos i hold a cam...lol... :P...
Faz is undeniably a very good-looking girl, she didnt have to do much to make them do the things she wanted them to do and alot of them were showing off their stuff to her (she's not exactly impressed of some by the way...). and it made me realise even more how ugly i am...
u dun understand. i dun wish to be as pretty as her but she attracts attention like bees to a honey... she's got this certain 'supastar' aura that made people stare at her(yes! really stare in awe! haha). when i go out with certain ppl they dun attract as much attention, but with my classic mates, darn! when my bf says i'm quite pretty, i dun believe coz i know if i am, i would get the same reaction as Faz, Rina, Ifa, Juliana, Bebe... among others. nobody stares at me the way they do at my friends... not saying that if u dun get stared means u're not pretty but... i've seen things like this happen all the time, since sec school...its hard not to think this way... sometimes i feel like i'm cursed for having such pretty friends like them... like i dun deserve them coz i'm so bloody ugly.... like i shudnt be in the same league as them.... afraid that other ppl will think i'm just a wannabe for hanging out with them... its pressurising without actually meaning to...i believe that all my friends are goodlooking... i just wish i am too....