"before darkness emerged you spoke to me
love
of love
of life
then
of death
by death you walked
by death enlightened..."
-confusedain '99
+ Dissect +
Lorelai: It was a mistake.
Emily: A mistake?! You call that a mistake!?
Lorelai: Well, I tried calling it "Al", but it would only answer to "mistake".
+ Me +
Longing for an eternal union
+ Desires +
+ firstly to find myself
+ 10 days trip to Europe, esp Spain
+ Santorini, Greece
+ The Chocolate Buffet at Fullerton Hotel
+ experience snow
+ Work Overseas
+ A very healthy body...and mind
+ a tv set in my bedroom
+ a lomo
+ donate blood at least once in a lifetime
+ be a volunteer
+ Things I've been said i look like +
chinese(NO.1)
japanese
taiwanese(!! lol)
phillippino
thai
myanmar
cambodian
vietnamese
indonesian(specifically, indo maid!)
malaysian
nepalese
China Chinese (NO!!!...)
almost one whole dae of nutin 2 do can drive u nuts... well, just right after i logged off from internet just now i tried my rusty hands again on graphic arts... mind you, its a bit infantile but who cares?? its not for commercial use rite? so here i am posting it on the internet, proving myself to ppl how uncreative i am in graphic designing... enjoy folks... but remember, u dun have to stay and watch... if that previous meal of urs happens to resurface, it wont be my fault, aite?? good, glad thats sorted...
these pix are of rina btw, and she's happily attached, so pls dun come around me asking fer her num ok??
cinta ini...(this love) tak ada logika...(has no logic) as sang by agnes monica
i love the choreography on this one.... she's indonesian by the way .. ; )
eons ago, my mom commented that i (somehow) looked like her she muz be talking abt our dress sense coz how the hell can i look like her... unless of course, i had gone on a extreme makeover! i like her tho... one of my fav artist just like chrsitina (he he)
forgive my appalling urges to turn this mundane rituals into a gossip column. a human, after all, cant live without grumbling. bear with me as i indulge wholesomely in this (decidedly) barbaric form of art.
my apologies for (previously) stereotyping scholars as being decent, civilised and matured. scholars(in my dictionary, anyone with a cert above o 'levels... i'm lowering the standards) comes from all walks of life with many different characters. you cant just assume that because they have a higher edu means they are polite and well-mannered. and we cant really say scholars are anything at all except of course, by their definition itself. jast as u cant say the china-rians are loud and uncivilised when other nations are too...
sad to say, there's an idiot among our company(as most companies do). he's my process engineer. a pain in the ass(imagine constipation at its worst. thats how frustrating it can get just by trying to converse with him...u'll get nowhere). he's dat one particular pe that irks me (and others, i heard) a lot. it doesnt hurt to say "i dun know" it doesnt hurt to ask for help. i wonder how he managed thru sch with such a fake ass godly attitude.maybe the lecturers are just too sick of looking at his freaking ugly face with his bags of fats hanging around his waist.so they had to let him pass. i will not say his name. his description has given way.and sorry again for this crude language. in a workplace, i dun discriminate coz i may never know i might need anyone's help... but this piece of shit forces ppl around. making us do things that he was supposed to do. fucking lazy bum. exploiting those who works under (not for!) him. i dun understand. i'm a mere operator but that doesnt mean i'm stupid. i have a brain, ears to hear and mouth to talk...just because he's an engineer doesnt mean he can treat us like his fucking slave...i was reprimanded for asking help. bullshit. what kind of mindset does he have? he shall not be compared to any part of the body (even genitals) coz even a body is sacred and to be compared to a shit like him is an extreme insult to the beauty of the human being.even shit fertilized. what does he do except shoving commands?? sits on his bloody big arse and sleeps like a pig. disgusting.a disgrace. argh!!! i dun nid to curse him of a dreadful life. he's happily doing that honour himself.if he keeps up to this kind of sick working attitude, and with that sorry looks of his, he can never get married. have friends even. its difficult to work with colleagues who thinks they're king.who doesnt admit to their mistakes. dictators dont go anywhere except graves. hate him... thankfully, its only him... i cant imagine having more than one process engineers that are like him. urgh....
i just wanna say a big thanks to all those who did or did not wish me happy birthdae. thanks for all the gifts. :D
and i've come to the point where i can look back now at the things i've already accomplished or the things yet to be done... and being a late bloomer and procrastinator that i am... pride has conquered me (on this particular part only) . i've completed most of the wishes i made last yr and thank god for making all of it possible.
my peak was the treating of my whole family (almost 35+ ppl had attended) to a large sumptuous dinner at the chua chu kang park restaurant. it was a big dent in my account but well worth it. the laughter and joy that it brought my family that night mirrors the kind of childhood i had with them. they took care of me. that was important and this was my way of returning their kindness... altho small it may be, i wish to return more. do more of these family gathering at my expense (if i could afford it of course).i cant cook for my family (not just yet!!!) but maybe a lil financial help from my part works...
and i cant care less abt being thin anymore. this is me. gotta accept it. no matter how thin i'll get i will still be ugly. ugliness stays coz u cant change ur face structure.so this is me... trying (very hard) to accept my ugliness...
i am resolved to get grades 'a' for this semester's modules too. i shall try try try. and a lot of holiday plannings are in the works... in m'sia, batam (a lil cheating here coz both cases, i'll be staying with relatives... heh heh...) and even possibly some small states of m'sia. a lil backpaking trip of our family's own perhaps??? and forever shall i look forward to be holidaying with vincent. my numero uno true goal. oh well...
i cant fight this introvertedness of me but somehow one day i shall be crazy again... (like those ew days...~sigh... great memories there...)
finally!!!!!there seem to be some problem with multiply.com and posting pictures... (perhaps they're on strike due to my extensive usage of the albums...:P) nevertheless, that shall not deter me from posting any at all... hence the existance of this blog..."fully utilize it! " i'd say! old photos were'nt deleted, i just cant post any photos anymore... so if u wanna view old albums, kindly type this on the addy bar www.confusedain.multiply.com and feast your eyes (not literally ok!) or go to confusedain.deviantart.com to browse my gallery for there are more recent pictures there (tho most of the pieces are for photography critics)
so... keep scrolling for there's a lot to be admired (or hated.. hehe :P)
and while u're at that, enjoy the music i've selected specially for my taste (hah!!). but seriously, the lyrics is worth the attention. (for better effect, press play before viewing photos altho there is no relation whatsoever btwn the pix and the music)
sit back relax and start moving the point finger ; )
p/s : the pix goes all the way down but some were posted last week… apparently I have some internet connection issues supposedly and should be(!!) resolved by now.. :P
the kitten probably wishing us farewell… heheh… the last thing I saw before heading for s’pore…
the lil cousins amusing themselves with silly games of the young ones…
the informal pose…
a buncha aunties and uncles and some of their children… this is not the entire family tho coz some went to the patio to enjoy the wind outside….
my uncle uteh (muhd noor) after picking the jambu direct from the tree… he’s like sooo delighted… heeh… I guess it’s the kampung experience he misses… hehe…
probably the youngest of my relative here in melaka… yeah
another of my relative
and u’re wondering what the hell happened to me yeah… well, maybe they’ve seeped all the goodlooking genes from me… and left none for me to survive on… hell… I may be like the only old maid of the family lor… kak pi (sofia zarith) kak jaja (shahiza) and hajar (darn! I forgot her full name.. again!!)
Diana amalina and zulaika
the mothers all toiling @ the back of the house cooking cleaning and what not.. hardworking aren’t they?? Its like, where can u find great chefs that are multi-talented and multi-taskers?? Lol….
soo bloody cute aint she??? Blissfully contented with the tidbit :P… umi umairah’s her name :D
another one of my relative… she's my mom's cousin's daughter.. yeah... so what does that makes us??
this lil kid here seems to love the cam… he’s one of my melaka relative but I’m not exactly sure how I am related to him… :P
loving zak w/ his songkok… somehow it emphasized his chubby cheeks…
me and zakwan or zapuan or zaquan… sth like dat… :P
kak jaja (shahiza) and me!!!!
zulaika and smaller sis, dhaniah… me cousins as well
my kampung style meal….its cute coz instead of using individual plates we used a bloody big ‘dulang’ to eat on…
my younger bro being thoughful for a moment... hm....
the chalet we stayed in while in malacca kinda nice actually... almost like a hotel. the drawback...there is no bbq pit. not that it was required for this trip but it would have been added ammenites... get wat i mean? no? yeah... nvm...hahah
my crazy rock and roll mane(is it what thats called??hahah!)
the very popular among ladies, zakwan (its pronounced as this but i dun think the spelling's as unglamourous as this) href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/3004/1051/1600/425967/IMG_5013.jpg">
backyard cooking.. thats my auntie zainab
breaking necks ... its something to eat already butchered animals, another thing to actually witness the butchering and then cooking it and placing it in your mouth followed by chewing....its seeing things in a new light, at least now i know how to skewer birdies if i ever get marooned in a small island with (hopefully) lots of birdies...
journey to the west (is it?? i'm direction idiot.. heh :P)
fayyadh and his mom, mak uteh... my bro listening to mp3s on the journey...
mothers and daughters...mine is the one beside me... some commented that me and my mom have the same smile... u decide!!!
