"before darkness emerged you spoke to me
love
of love
of life
then
of death
by death you walked
by death enlightened..."
-confusedain '99
+ Dissect +
Lorelai: It was a mistake.
Emily: A mistake?! You call that a mistake!?
Lorelai: Well, I tried calling it "Al", but it would only answer to "mistake".
+ Me +
Longing for an eternal union
+ Desires +
+ firstly to find myself
+ 10 days trip to Europe, esp Spain
+ Santorini, Greece
+ The Chocolate Buffet at Fullerton Hotel
+ experience snow
+ Work Overseas
+ A very healthy body...and mind
+ a tv set in my bedroom
+ a lomo
+ donate blood at least once in a lifetime
+ be a volunteer
+ Things I've been said i look like +
chinese(NO.1)
japanese
taiwanese(!! lol)
phillippino
thai
myanmar
cambodian
vietnamese
indonesian(specifically, indo maid!)
malaysian
nepalese
China Chinese (NO!!!...)
24th is helen's bday, so eric had planned a surprise party for her. juz a small scale one, we off the office lights, suddenly helen was like "eh! wat happen???" she cant see us as the office cubicles obstructed her view of the door. we went to her desk and sang the bday song to her. it was awesome. (im actually not part of the dept but i helped them out with one of their project, they asked me along, so i joined in the celebration la... so thick skinned i am, i know... wahahahhaah)
popping the "champange" (sparkling juice with darn classy look lor) cutting cake! the dept members... uncle yuan not ard as he went to buy dinner eric, randy, helen, kammaria (superwoman, like for real... she can handle heavy pallets on her own sia)
a nite out w the singa girls hahaahah... actually its more of sharifah's ambition la, to be somebody before she die. we concluded (after much discussion tt involves serious laughing, major brain storming) tt she shud be the next singa girl ahaha.... her trademark action can only be demonstrated, and not described.
we had nasi ayam penyet, the famous one in lucky plaza (after much anticipation, i finally get to try it!! the sambal damn shoik laa) a bit of chat a bit of "sharing information", some washing eyes involved too ahhaha... a lot of handsome guys like to frequent here apparently... wat a feast! hahaah
then we headed to cenele near the shaw. the desserts are darn sinful...
the best thing about this was tt it was actually sth like bread underneath with generous amt of chocolate chips inside... the top thing is the thing like the coffee bread top thing, you know, like a bit hard, but sweet like dat. not like cake but not like bread either..??? haha.. pardon my description failure. this is some sort like a layered cake, top is sth like creamy creamy chocolate, then middle is actually cheesecake, then the bottom is walnut brownie if im not wrong. the circular top thing is chocolate i think, no matter... damn nice! the strawberry crepes. nice!!! its quite big but juz enough i think... for the 3 of us! lol...the crepes is sweet, light and crispy. the strawberry jam is juz as nice too... love the presentation :D OMG!!!! WHAT HAF I GOT MYSELF INTO????!!!!
later in the evening im gg to my godgrandma's relative hse to be a photographer for THEIR WEDDING! im scared sia...
frankly ive nvr done malay wedding before, i did chinese wedding before la... but im juz as scared sigh
i cant imagine having to face sooo many ppl and then taking their pictures... malu nyerrrrrr...
haha :P wat a challenge.. fancy me taking up the job even when im so scared :P
its ok tho... i mite be posting it up once i survived through it...
sometimes, i feel like my words are not being listened because i've proofed myself to be too STUPID tt my words are SERIOUSLY NOT WORTH listening.
then there are time when my words were being listened to but not believed.
am i really tt stupid, blur, scatterbrained,idiotic to be taken lightly? if tt is so, why is there a nid for me to TALK at all?? why should i proof my idiocy even further right??
yesterday i was sooo anticipated to cash out my check. but my mind was full of things. i was so busy thinking of things tt when the moment i took out my check, i unconciously crossed out my check. when i realised wat i did i was soooooo darn angry with myself i broke down. like seriously cried as if i've broken up with my boyfriend. i was soooo darn pissed with myself. oh well, another proof of my stupidity.
then later in the night i was excited to tell him tt i managed to MOVED a pallet which was almost ONE TON of TGB. tt is darn heavy even if i used the pallet jack skillfully, strength plays a part too, right. no matter, he kept insisted NO! ITS THE SKILL!
FINE, so im weak + stupid for not using the pallet SKILLFULLY.
fine! i cant do anything right. then why am i wasting space right now? why the hell am i still breathing? why bother to live if all my life is nothing but PURE FAILURE right? i keep on troubling ur life. not frustrating meh? not tired of me meh? not sick of me meh? arent i better off gone? arent i?
recently, i've been acting strangely akin to obsessive-compulsive behaviour.
peeling was the objective.
i simply had to peel.
i peeled my lips (or dry skin of the lip... is it? sth like tt) til they bleed... so much tt now my lips is red and sore all over.
i peeled the skin of my fingers. the sides.. so bad tt it bleeds. so bad tt one of my friend tot it was a blue black. so bad tt it looks as if im eating my own finger print ( yes, i BITE the sides of the fingerprint skin)
i peeled the skin of my toes too. so bad it bleeds too. sometimes so bad, when im at home, and its hard to peel with my fingers, i'd peel it with my teeth. (nope, u arent reading it wrong...) and sometimes, i'd peel it all the way back to the heel of my feet and the back of my toes. if anyone was to scan my toeprint now, they will realise tt its distorted.
im not sure why im like this. and im not sure wat caused it
but i hope i can stop. coz the pain is not bothering me anymore. the blood i drew from my skin peeling dun scare me
went to the screening of pendekar bujang lapok at the malay heritage centre with dear. bad thing was, there wasnt any subtitles, so dear ended up slightly confused on most parts.
after dat we went to haf hummus!!! at the arab street pyramid restaurant, and did some shisha -ing strawberry flavor. loving the decor. we tried our first arab brand alziza malt drink(non-alcoholic). taste terrible, apparently taste like beer...(dear said one... well it REALLY smell like one anyway... yucksss!!, juz my own opinion laaa).
saturday:
went to my first chinese funeral w dear. his colleague got blood vessel burst then fainted.the next few days, passed away. scary part is he looked perfectly normal before dat. in fact he was midway werking. sigh.... dear prayed, gave donation (or condolence money) then we sit on one table, they served us peanuts with green kuaci and got red string (i didnt wear coz i dun believe in such things... sth to do with luck la) then dear tied the red string to his finger. supposed to throw it away before u reach home. then we sat there a while... talking abt the blankets and the banners, telling me what its all about. then we left.
sunday:
went to the hwa chong inst to see the judo competition. dear enrolled himself in judo classes and wanted me to understand what he's learning. it was fun and interesting to watch, despite the smell (inevitable of course!) but the sparring was a bit scary la... throwing ppl around. the objective of it is, u're supposed to make sure your opponent's back is on the floor flat. rules : u cant kick or punch... juz trip or tug or slam him down... quite challenging. if u're both of same rank or juz as good, it could be very tiring. if not, juz one slam and u're done.
the adventures of my lil sis...
juz now my sis called me asking me if i saw her bike(bicycle). i say i didnt, why. then she said her bike was stolen.
when i reached home, i saw the bike was in front of our hse so i asked her "tot ur bike was stolen??" she said, yeah... but i got it back...
then she continued...
she said she went to look for her bike around our area. suddenly as she was walking near the petrol stn there she saw a fat chinese boy riding her bike, she started chasing after him, shouting "tts my bike tts my bike, return to me or i'll call police"
the boy ignored her, then she took her hp and pointed to him "see?? i'll call police ah i tell you!" then she started crying loudly for it... maybe the boy kan cheong or wat then he go and threw her bike one side then ran away. my sis happy lor, found her bike back... ahhaha...
gung-ho la this girl. then my mom added that when she found out tt her bike was stolen, she cried to my mom saying she will die die find her bike back ... well, she really did lor.
i muz be like her la... her spirit... hahaha but she didnt go alone of course... she went with her bunch of friends... (her back up la kata kan... heheh!!!)
popping the "champange" (sparkling juice with darn classy look lor)
cutting cake!
the dept members... uncle yuan not ard as he went to buy dinner
the best thing about this was tt it was actually sth like bread underneath with generous amt of chocolate chips inside... the top thing is the thing like the coffee bread top thing, you know, like a bit hard, but sweet like dat. not like cake but not like bread either..??? haha.. pardon my description failure.
this is some sort like a layered cake, top is sth like creamy creamy chocolate, then middle is actually cheesecake, then the bottom is walnut brownie if im not wrong. the circular top thing is chocolate i think, no matter... damn nice!
the strawberry crepes. nice!!! its quite big but juz enough i think... for the 3 of us! lol...the crepes is sweet, light and crispy. the strawberry jam is juz as nice too... love the presentation :D
